If you don't TELL them that you're nuts...

... HOW WILL THEY KNOW?!

It's Friday! Yay!

I only worked two days this week, so that rocked. My crazy cat lady coworker (AIR HORN!) worked her three days while I was out, so I didn't even have to see her ALL week. It was everything I hoped it could be, and more. As usual, she did a bunch of ridiculous tasks around the office to somehow try to prove her worth, then detailed them all on a note for me in her loopy, crazy-as-fuck, i's dotted with circles, dingy old lady script. If I had a scanner here at work, I'd totally scan it for you, but instead I'll just tell you what she said. Just make sure that you add the silent "because you didn't do it" to everything she says, since she is a passive-aggressive asshat. My comments are in italics.

Enjoy.

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Bev,

1. I had to change your password encryption to xxxxxxxx.
Ok, that's reasonable, but how 'bout you just stay the fuck away from my desk and computer instead, biznatch?

2. Straightened up closet some. The deposit receipt books are in the box on the shelf in order of year. They probably can go to storage next time someone goes over.
Thanks, idiot. I guess you haven't noticed that we stopped using those over a year go because it's all online now. You keep at it, though! I know how you love to alphabetize, which is odd because you suck at filing.

3. The phones that were in my window are in a gray plastic bag in the closet.
Nicely done. It takes real skill to bag up some old phones that have been sitting next to your desk for 6 months. You go, girl. Oh, and thanks for making sure I knew what color the bag was. That's important.

4. I dusted the window sills etc and found 4 spiders in corner behind lamp - yikes!
Wait, how many spiders? Four? But I could have sworn I put 7 over there. Huh.

5. AMP stationery is in cabinet by my desk - 2nd shelf - just the loose stuff. It does NOT have "Advanced Advisor Group" printed on it.
That's where it has always been, but thanks for the reminder. Oh, and I'm sure our clients are really gonna wonder why that new line of text isn't on their envelopes under the name of the company. How ever will they know who it's from?!

6. Only 1 full box of envelopes left - see attached. (paper clipped to the note is an envelope, in case I forgot what they look like or something)
She seems to be forgetting that she's in charge of ordering stationery. It's actually one of the few things she can be trusted to do correctly. She can't even answer the phones without disconnecting people.

Hope you had a great few days off. See you Monday.
Signed,
Crazy Cat Lady Who Needs a Reason To Live So I Work Here Because My Boss Is Too Nice To Fire Me, Even Though He Clearly Wants To

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Hmmm, maybe you had to be there. Whatever, I laughed, and I thought you might, too.

Have a nice weekend, everyone!