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Friday, October 29, 2010

Read this Halloween post... if you DARE!

Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

It's Halloween weekend and this witch is ready to party! Today I sent my little Anakin Skywalker and Iron Man off to their respective schools, and I've finally perfected my own costume for tomorrow night.

Yes, I'm going to be Elvira.

After posting that video last week of the fantabulous 51-year-old who makes us all look like piles of pudding, I decided to take the plunge and go to the party tomorrow night dressed as "you, 'cept with bigger tits."  Of course, Elvira has a 21" waist and clearly works out fastidiously, but whatevs. I'm not a tiny person like she is; in fact in the heels and beehive wig I'm probably about 5'9", and no one has ever accused me of being overly skinny. *cough*

I'd say the odds of me looking like the drag queen version of Elvira are fair to decent, but who gives a fuck? It's Halloween!

Btw, while searching for photos of Elvira for costuming/make-up purposes I came across the nudey pics that Elliott mentioned last week in the comment section.    

Ho-ly crap!

Needless to say, they're extremely unsafe for work, so DO NOT click this link unless you're alone & don't mind looking at Playboy-like nakey pics, ok?  I'm serious.  Here's a link to the best one because I love you so. Don't say The Bev never gave you anything, fellas!

(I'm probably gonna lose a follower or two for that link.  Boo!)

Jim was all set to be Alan from The Hangover but then he got a nasty cold and pulled a muscle in his back while searching for our Baby Bjorn in the basement, so now he's decided to be lazy and be a boring old (Dracula-style) vampire.  No sparkles or southern accents for him, sadly.

Other than that, we'll just do the trick or treat thing with the kidlets.  Tonight we're watching It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, but once the little monsters are in bed I'm hoping to watch a scary movie.

What kind of Drag Queen Elvira would I be if I didn't give you a list of my favorite frightening movies?

The Shining
All work and no play....
 Psycho
Mother wouldn't like that.

Halloween
Makes me want MY Mother
 Poltergeist
Oh, they're here alright.
The Changeling
Proof that you don't need CGI to be terrifying.
American Psycho
You like Huey Lewis and the News?
And now, to lighten things up, here's one of my favorite Looney Toons clips of all time.  Very few people seem to remember Witch Hazel, but I always loved her!  The way she leaves behind a cloud of bobby pins in her wake?  Hilarious!


Check it:



So there it is! Everything you never wanted to know about La Bev's Halloweenie!

Now, what are your favorite scary movies of all time? Spill your guts, my ghouly-BOOBHs!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hump Day Funnies

Greetings, people of the interwebz! It's Wednesday and I'm in a rather foul mood. Again. It might have something to do with the fact that my kid keeps waking me up at the ass-crack of dawn, so I'm beat.  Or perhaps it's because I had to go head-to-head with my older son's teacher yesterday after he got in trouble for yawning in class yesterday. Yes, yawning.  Ummm, WTF?

Listen, D, I know you're only seven, but could you PLEASE try to be more robotic? It would make life in grammar school much easier for all of us.  Mkay, thaaaaaanks!

*eye roll*

If you're looking for trouble, you found it.
After I fired off a "What the fucking fuck is the meaning of this?" email the teacher called and spoke to Jim about it. Long story short, she agreed that maybe she shouldn't be riding a 2nd grader like Secretariat and we agreed not to call the principal and complain about her. So now everybody's happy... ish. But we'll be keeping a close eye on things from now on.

Anyhooters, I could use a good chuckle, couldn't you? Allow me to display some of the gems I've unearthed during my usual internet wanderings lately. I think we'll both feel better afterwards.

NTTAWWT

*snicker*

I am Batman.  Er... Catman.


Auto-fill fail.
This is my favorite: movies associated with each state in the U.S.  What About Bob?  I'll take it!  I thought they'd go with the obvious choice of On Golden Pond, but whatevs.  What did you get?


(Click to enlarge.... that's what she said!)

There. I *do* feel a little better. Hope you do, too. :)

Have a great Hump Day!

* In space terms that's about a half a million miles.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

What the HELL am I lookin' at?

Ummmm, yeah.  Just saw this on Dlisted.



I have no response to that, do you?

Monday, October 25, 2010

Misc. Monday Stuff

Happy Monday, folks!   I'm not gonna lie to ya -- I'm dragging ass this morning.  It's a gray, drizzly day and all I want to do is go home and hide from the world, but I was a good girl and came to work despite my generalized malaise.  My crazy cat lady coworker was thrilled to see me, of course; she seems to view my presence in the office as proof that I'm dying to hear every waking thought and muscle movement she's had over the past 72 hours since we last spoke.

In reality, we all know that my presence in the office indicates nothing more than my desire to be paid so that I can buy myself that solid gold toilet I've always dreamed about.

My weekend was good, but nothing too outrageous.  On Friday night I went to dinner & a movie with Mala and we laughed our asses off for about five hours straight.  It was pretty awesome, even if we can't remember (or repeat) exactly what was so funny.  I'm sure it had something to do with the wine that was a'flowin' during dinner, but we were both also bringing our "A Games" with the witty repartee.

At one point we were talking about our plans to flee the East coast next February and she mentioned a good friend of ours who will be going on a mission to Haiti with her church group that month.  So M's gonna save babies and shit while Mala and I will be stalking celebrities and drinking our body weight in Appletinis... and that's just the trouble we have PLANNED.

I might have made a joke about how M will be rescuing orphans and I'll be *mumble mumble*  blowing homeless guys *mumble*, but that was just a joke, I swear!  Whatevs; it made Mala laugh so hard that she wished she'd brought along a change of underwear, so it was all in a day's work for La Bev.  *polishing fingernails on shirt*

We saw Social Network, which was really good and only made me feel yucky about using Facebook a little bit.  Okay, a lot, but I'm working through it.

Let's face it, if I shunned all technology that was created by bitter, entitled, mean-spirited, self-centered assholes I wouldn't be able to use any of it, now would I?

It was a really good movie, though - very entertaining.  I couldn't stop staring at the overly-botoxed area between Justin Timberlake's eyebrows, but I didn't let that stop me from enjoying his performance.  Much.

Other than that evening, the weekend was intentionally lame-o.  D had a friend over on Saturday so my focus was just making sure the boy left with the same number of digits he arrived with, and I spent Sunday cleaning out my walk-in closet and unearthing all sorts of crazy crap that I forgot I had.  Yes, I know, I lead a fascinating life!

So that's that.  What did you guys do?  Share with the group, please.  :)

Friday, October 22, 2010

We all need a personal slogan, right?

Hey there, you sexy beasts!  How's it going?  I'm sorry I've been MIA a lot this week, but I've been busier than a one-legged Riverdancer. Plus, I admit I've been in a bit of a blogging slump; when I sit down to try to write for my beloved OOBH I come up woefully blank. Don't worry though; much like the gas from the ill-advised bowl of Hormel chili I had for lunch yesterday, this too shall pass.

TMI? Sorry. I thought you were into that sort of thing. ;)

This has been an interesting week.  For starters, my youngest son (age 3) has become oddly fixated on a song from the Marmaduke soundtrack, which means I've been starting every morning jamming out to some Tupac.  That's right - the boys and I rock it out to California Love every morning - we roll up to the school with the base throbbing, heads bobbing, then we throw up gang signs to the para-professionals who greet the kids and go our separate ways. We pretty much rule that school, old-skool, but it does set an odd tone to the day.  Not bad, just a little different.  It makes me laugh, though, and mama likes to laugh.

Coitus.
Halloween is just around the corner!  Is anybody dressing up?  I was going to be a sexy witch but the other night I decided that I might look around for a Maude Lebowski wig.  It's probably not the most current costume idea, but it's a classic and I do love me some Maude!  I've already got Jim growing in some Dude-ish facial hair, too.

Speaking of Halloween, I shared this funny Elvira video on the OOBH Facebook page yesterday.  Btw, if you haven't become a fan of the OOBH yet, what are you waiting for?  Even on days when I don't have the energy to make a blog post I'm usually farting around over on Fecesbook, so come talk to me, why don'tcha? 

Okay, enough pandering.  Check out this hot bish:

This woman is 59 years old.  FML.

I love her!  When I was a kid I always wanted my dad to rent me one of her movies at the video store but he never would.  You see that?  Even as a child I was drawn to her snarky persona and enormous knockers like a moth to a flame.  In this quick video she is spoofing political laughing-stock Christine O'Donnell, and in so doing she has provided me with my new personal slogan.  Take a look - you'll know what I mean:



I'm you, 'cept with bigger tits.

Put that on my headstone and call it a day!  Could it BE any more perfect?  No, no it could not.  Hmm, this gives me an idea....  Maybe I'll ditch my Maude costume idea and just go for the gusto and be Elvira!  *wheels turning*

Okay, poopsies.  Gotta run.  Lots to do today and miles to go before I sleep.  Hope you all have a groovy weekend!
XOXO

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It's a weird life, but it's MY weird life

AKA: Sort of Wordless Wednesday!


A picture of a totally phallic tank = "I love you," in Boy Speak.


It's an owl... a baby owl. In a hat. Can't. handle. cuteness....






I love Saturdays!


I have this picture as my cell background and it has been cracking me up!


I'm still finding them everywhere.


Happy Hump Day!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Angelina Jolie hollywood star

Angelina Jolie (born Angelina Jolie Voight; June 4, 1975) is an American actress. She has received an Academy Award, two Screen Actors Guild Awards, and three Golden Globe Awards. Jolie promotes humanitarian causes, and is noted for her work with refugees as a Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR). She has been cited as one of the world's most attractive people, as well as the world's "most beautiful" woman, titles for which she has received substantial media attention.[1][2][3][4][5][6]

Though she made her screen debut as a child alongside her father Jon Voight in the 1982 film Lookin' to Get Out, Jolie's acting career began in earnest a decade later with the low-budget production Cyborg 2 (1993). Her first leading role in a major film was in Hackers (1995). She starred in the critically acclaimed biographical films George Wallace (1997) and Gia (1998), and won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for her performance in the drama Girl, Interrupted (1999). Jolie achieved wider fame after her portrayal of video game heroine Lara Croft in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001), and since then has established herself as one of the best-known and highest-paid actresses in Hollywood.[7] She has had her biggest commercial successes with the action-comedy Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005) and the animated film Kung Fu Panda (2008).[8]

Divorced from actors Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton, Jolie currently lives with actor Brad Pitt, in a relationship that has attracted worldwide media attention. Jolie and Pitt have three adopted children, Maddox, Pax, and Zahara, as well as three biological children, Shiloh, Knox, and Vivienne.
Contents
[hide]

* 1 Early life and family
* 2 Career
o 2.1 Early work: 1993–1997
o 2.2 Breakthrough: 1997–2000
o 2.3 International success: 2001–present
* 3 Humanitarian work
* 4 Relationships
* 5 Children
* 6 In the media
* 7 Tattoos
* 8 Filmography
* 9 Awards
* 10 References
o 10.1 Notes
o 10.2 Further reading
* 11 External links

Early life and family

Born in Los Angeles, California, Jolie is the daughter of actors Jon Voight and Marcheline Bertrand. She is the niece of Chip Taylor, sister of James Haven and the goddaughter of Jacqueline Bisset and Maximilian Schell. On her father's side, Jolie is of Slovak and German descent,[9][10] and on her mother's side she is French Canadian and is said to be part Iroquois.[11][12] However, Voight has claimed Bertrand was "not seriously Iroquois", and they merely said it to enhance his ex-wife's exotic background.[13]

After her parents' separation in 1976, Jolie and her brother were raised by their mother, who abandoned her acting ambitions and moved with them to Palisades, New York.[14] As a child, Jolie regularly saw movies with her mother and later explained that this had inspired her interest in acting; she had not been influenced by her father.[15] When she was eleven years old, the family moved back to Los Angeles and Jolie decided she wanted to act and enrolled at the Lee Strasberg Theatre Institute, where she trained for two years and appeared in several stage productions.

At the age of 14, she dropped out of her acting classes and dreamed of becoming a funeral director.[16] During this period, she wore black clothing, dyed her hair purple and went out moshing with her live-in boyfriend.[15] Two years later, after the relationship had ended, she rented an apartment above a garage a few blocks from her mother's home.[14] She returned to theatre studies and graduated from high school, though in recent times she has referred to this period with the observation, "I am still at heart—and always will be—just a punk kid with tattoos".[17]

She later recalled her time as a student at Beverly Hills High School (later Moreno High School), and her feeling of isolation among the children of some of the area's more affluent families. Jolie's mother survived on a more modest income, and Jolie often wore second-hand clothes. She was teased by other students who also targeted her for her distinctive features, for being extremely thin, and for wearing glasses and braces.[15] Her self-esteem was further diminished when her initial attempts at modeling proved unsuccessful. She started to cut herself; later commenting, "I collected knives and always had certain things around. For some reason, the ritual of having cut myself and feeling the pain, maybe feeling alive, feeling some kind of release, it was somehow therapeutic to me."[18]

Jolie was estranged from her father for many years. The two tried to reconcile and he appeared with her in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001).[14] In July 2002, Jolie filed a request to legally change her name to "Angelina Jolie", dropping Voight as her surname; the name change was made official on September 12, 2002.[19] In August of the same year, Voight claimed that his daughter had "serious mental problems" on Access Hollywood. Jolie later indicated that she no longer wished to pursue a relationship with her father, and said, "My father and I don't speak. I don't hold any anger toward him. I don't believe that somebody's family becomes their blood. Because my son's adopted, and families are earned." She stated that she did not want to publicize her reasons for her estrangement from her father, but because she had adopted her son, she did not think it was healthy for her to associate with Voight.[20] In February 2010, Jolie publicly reunited with her father when he visited her while filming The Tourist in Venice.[21]
Angelina Jolie
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Angelina Jolie

Musical Monday: Baby-Makin' Edition

And we're baaaaaaack. Hope you all had a great weekend! I'm tired but ready to rock this week out! I've got a ton of work ahead of me but I'm on top of it.

"Where are we with that?"
"That thing you just mentioned, just now? Oh, we're on top of that, Don!"

Before I buckle down and get some shizz done, I have to tell you that recently I rediscovered some awesome baby-makin' music.  Don't get me wrong - I am NOT makin' any more babies - that train has sailed - but still, who doesn't like songs that make you want to get horizontal?

This confession will most likely eliminate all of my hard-earned street cred here on the OOBH, but I don't care.

I'm talking about Sade.

Still amazing after all these years.  I suspect witchcraft.
This woman... wow.  First of all, she has not aged in over 25 years; she still sounds and looks exactly the same as she did when Smooth Operator made her famous in the early 80's.  Recently I saw her new Solider of Love video and I was blown away, so I downloaded a few of her songs and now I can't stop listening to them.  Not only are they sexy and good for... well, sexy times... but they're also great background music for just about anything.  I celebrate her entire catalog.

I think this song is my favorite:



Now, lest you think I've gone completely soft on you, I've got one of the world's crappiest music videos for you to make fun of enjoy as well!  I stumbled across this little gem last week and have been waiting for the perfect moment to spring it on you.  Today, my friends, is that day.

I give you, "Love in a Pub (in Essex)," by Leoncie:



Yes, yes, YES!  It took me almost a full minute to realize that she was speaking English.  This video has it ALL, doesn't it?

Move over, Sade, because Leoncie is coming for your title of Queen of Baby-Makin' Music!

Better get to work, my lovelies.  Have a great day!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Flashback Friday: 1987

Ah, Friday!  I'm so glad to see you.  Despite only working three days this week I still felt like the week dragged!  Have you ever noticed that?  Short weeks seem even longer than regular ones?  Weird.

Anywho, I thought it would be fun to have a flashback today, since you know I love those.

The Year Is 1987.

I was 12 years old, had a bad haircut, wore bad clothes, and listened to bad music.  But hey, it was the 80's, yo; didn't we all?  Don't take my word for it - behold the photographic evidence!

I know I was awesome.  Don't be hatin'.
Let's see.  I was in 7th grade.  My favorite band was - surprise! - Duran Duran, but mostly because my sister liked them first.  This was about two years before I would enter my emo dark period when I wore all black every day, listened to The Cure, and wrote angst-filled letters to Sinead O'Connor and Seventeen magazine about how no one understood me.  True story.  At this age, I was still innocent enough to like posters of animals and episodes of You Can't Do That On Television.

Oh, Alasdair... how I hearted you.  You too, Alanis Morissette.
Every week my dad would take us to the video store to rent VHS tapes.  Some of my favorites that year were:


This was the year that I had a big sleep-over and the main event was a screening of the brand-new hit movie, Dirty Dancing, which had just hit Pay-Per-View.  All of my giggling girlfriends were beside themselves with excitement at the prospect of watching this movie. We were glued to the screen, oohing and ahing over Patrick Swayze, wishing we were Baby.

Since we lived in the boondocks of northern Vermont, my parents had a satellite dish - the big 12 foot diameter kind, not the cute little Direct TV ones.  Anyone who has ever had a satellite dish will tell you that they're temperamental bastards, and that night as we all waited with baited breath to see if Baby would complete the much-anticipated lift in the final dance scene, a gust of wind blew the satellite dish off kilter and the screen went to static.  There was a chorus of groans and one girl shed actual tears.

As a 12 year old, I was certain that I would be doomed to be a social outcast thanks to this enormous faux pas, but somehow I muddled through.



Always an avid reader, my favorite author in 1987 was Stephen King.  The scanned photo above can't be enlarged, but I would bet dollars to donuts that the paperback on my nightstand was one of his books.  I distinctly remember buying Misery in hardcover that year.



This was also back in the day when MTV played actual music videos, so I'm 100% certain that this was my favorite music video that year:



Good times.

That was my walk down memory lane. See that? Flashbacks CAN be fun.

What were you doing back then?