If I were any more relaxed, I'd be comatose

'Sup?

I hope you all had a lovely weekend. Mine was good; I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I hoped it could be.

Saturday was a rainy day, which suited us just fine. We made some eggs and watched cartoons, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that I didn't get out of my pajamas until after noon. When I did change my clothes, it was just to put on fresh pjs after my shower, so I still wasn't exactly setting the world on fire.

What can I say? I needed to decompress! Last week was not terrible for me, but it ended with a bit of a whimper. Friday was just one of those days - I managed to say the wrong thing, say the right thing the wrong way, and generally say entirely too much to just about everyone - and I felt a little kicked around by the time I got home. There's really only one thing to do when life gets to you and you're feeling like that kitten hanging from a tree limb, and that's hide out until you feel better. So I did.



On Sunday I was a little bit more energetic, but not much. I took the boys out to run errands. They both desperately needed haircuts. M was starting to go back into Peter Tork territory with his perfectly round shaggy bowl cut, and D had an honest-to-god rat tail forming at the base of his neck. As you know, we CANNOT HAVE THAT, so it was off to StuporCuts.

M was not thrilled, but he did eventually stop wriggling enough for the girl to cut his hair. When I showed this picture to Jim, he nailed the expression on M's face: "Smell-the-fart acting!" He said, and he was right.



He looks like a totally different kid now! I can't decide if he looks older or younger after the Bowl-ectomy.



And that, kids, is all I've got. For those of you who always comment on how fabulous it must be to be La Bev, what with my concert-going, my girls' nights, and my binge drinking cocktail sipping soirees... remember that most of my weekends are more like this one. In other words, I'm boring too, I just hide it well.

One last thing before I go. If you're not watching Nurse Jackie on Showtime, you should be. This show is wickedly funny and has these fantastic, terrifically-flawed but somehow still likable characters. It's just all kinds of awesome - funny, sad, shocking, eye-opening. For anyone who wonders if doctors and nurses actually do fall victim to addictions, here's a little story for you before I stick a fork in this crappy post and call it done.

My friend K is an RN. She moved to Phoenix, AZ several years ago and got a job at a hospital there. On her second day on the job, she walked into the staff bathroom and found another nurse on the floor of one of the stalls. She ran to help her and found that the nurse had been shooting up heroin in the bathroom at work, and had OD'ed. My friend had to attempt CPR on this young nurse who had just DIED while injecting drugs at work. She didn't live, and K got a very unexpected and unpleasant welcome to her new town.

Oddly enough, she still lives there. Go figure.

So yeah, it happens. Nurse Jackie just makes crazy-wrong subject matter like addiction, secrets, and infidelity kind of funny and touching; and that, folks, is good television.

Quick Story & a Game

Last night I was sitting on the couch around 11:30, sleepily flipping channels. Jim was sitting over at his computer when I noticed him checking me out in that way. I ignored him.

A minute later, he gives me one of his classic, oh-so-smooth & charming pick-up lines, "So, uh... ya wanna fool around?"

So romantic.

I looked at him like he'd sprouted a second head. The look on my face must have said it all - I was wearing elastic-waist shorts and a baggy, faded t-shirt, my hair was in a messy knot on top of my head, bangs held back by the glamorous and tres chic bobby pin, glasses on, and I was presently chewing on a handful of Tums (shut up). Sex KITTEN, that's me!

I just don't "get" men sometimes.

ANYWHOOOOOO. Let's play a GAME!

Ok, let's play a little game of "Bang, Marry, or Smack." This is a variation on the Howard Stern "Fuck, Marry, Kill," game, but just slightly nicer because, well, I'm slightly nicer than Howard. I think.

Here are your choices, and the rules are simple - of these three celebs, who would you bang, who would you marry, and who would you smack upside de heyd?

For the Men: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Mariah Carey and Kate Winslet. Go!




For the ladies: Bill Murray, Russell Crow, and Christian Bale. Go!



Don't forget to tell me why, and feel free to do the same gender options if you're so inclined. The OOBH is a judgement-free zone. :)