WTH am I lookin' at?

This morning as I drove to work I was feeling rather charitable, so when I saw the chance to let an old man in a giant sedan merge in front of me on a busy street, I took it. I knew immediately that doing so was a mistake.

First of all, no courtesy wave. Rude.

Secondly, he proceeded to go 5-10 mph below the speed limit for the entire 13 mile trip to Bedford, making sure to leave a good 2-3 car lengths between himself and the car in front of him. Every time he saw a police car or a pedestrian he'd slam on his brakes just in case. There was literally a mile-long line of cars behind him, with me leading the slowly crawling parade of coffee-deprived fools.

The real cherry on the crap sundae was when I finally got a chance to pass him. I pulled up alongside him at a traffic light and willed myself not to glare at him, but I did sneak a quick peek at him to see what exactly I was dealing with and was instantly rewarded with the sight of him thoroughly cleaning out his nostrils with his gnarled old finger. His wife sat slumped in the passenger seat, seemingly catatonic and not tall enough to see over the dashboard.

Of course, that scene pales in comparison to what Elliott witnessed this AM, but hey, this is NH, not America's Wang. We can hardly compete.

At any rate, I was inspired to show you a few other odds & ends I have seen over these past two days that also made me ask, "What the hell am I lookin' at?!"

First, Courtney Love has never looked better, right?


(photo courtesy of Dlisted)

Has she turned into a cracked-out Muppet? What is that thing on her head? Why does her skin look like a waxy orange peel? Why, Courtney? Whyyyyyy?

Next, at least Lindsay looks amazing.


(photo courtesy of WWTDD)

Are those motherhumping HAMMER PANTS? Why I oughta.... Girl, I will strangle you dead for wearing those if I ever get close enough, so watch yourself. And what in the world is that fur thing? Where are the Peta people with their buckets of red paint? Even if it's fake, it's hideous!

Why does this make me so angry? I really don't know. It just does, alright?

Last but not least, as I was watching Psychic Kids last night (shut up) I saw a promo that made me question everything I know about television.

Who the HELL keeps giving Kirstie Alley TV shows?



Jeez Louise! She's nuttier than squirrel poop and not the slightest bit funny. Also, this yo-yo dieting thing is really annoying - just be FAT already. Embrace it, sistah-friend. Nobody wants to hear about it anymore. So you're fat. BFD. She wouldn't even have a "career" if it weren't for her inability to step away from the deep fryer.

Frankly, what bothers me most about her is her hair. Why blonde? WHY? Remember on Cheers when she had that gorgeous lustrous thick brown hair? Why must she peroxide herself thusly? IMHO, it makes her look even fatter!

Okay, I'm done ranting for today. I think.

Thoughts? Concerns? Bring it.

Electricity, E-lect-ricit-y....

Hey now! Good weekend?

Mine was good, yes. I woke up exhausted today despite having gotten enough rest, which is always a great feeling, yes? Nothing like draggin' ass on a Monday.

Last Thursday night we got hit by a killer rain storm here in New Hampshire - hurricane force winds of 95mph were reported, and I believe it! It sounded like a freight train roaring past my house, and as always I worried about little things like trees falling into my home and killing us all dead. Turns out I was right to worry; our friend Mala's house did have a run-in with a 100 foot Pine tree, but thank goodness no one was hurt!! I'm sure she'd love to write about it on her blog but since they're still without power or cable, you'll have to take my word for it.

We lost power for about 24 hours, but our new generator kicked serious ASS so we really didn't have to sweat it like all the other chumps. You see, last winter we had an ice storm that knocked us off the grid for a mortifying FIVE DAYS. Yes, five days without heat or running water, and my 1 year old son came down with a raging case of diarrhea on day 2. NO FUN. We kept saying we'd get a generator, but didn't... until November when the power went out again and stayed out for over a day and I pulled a diva move and took to my bed. When Jim found me in there with the covers over my head, he immediately went to Lowe's and sealed the deal.

So really, my family has my tantrum to thank for being warm and cozy this time around. You're welcome, family. Any time!

The cable stayed off until Friday evening, however, so my half-finished batch of OOBH stew went unposted. Don't worry though, it'll keep.

On Saturday night we got a babysitter and went out to celebrate our friend Laurie's birthday. We had an absolute BLAST, and I'm not gonna lie - I drank like a fish. Glug glug! I don't even know how many drinks I had, but it was nearing double digits for sure. I started off with Cosmos, ended up with Newcastle Brown Ale, and had a few pineappley shot things in there somewhere too.

It was a karaoke party, and I was definitely a little irked that my bum vocal cord kept me away from the mic. Thankfully I also love to dance, so at least I had something to do. I did a stunning interpretive dance that was equal parts Vogue, Thriller, and Burlesque, with just a touch of The Robot thrown in for good measure. I know, you don't have to say it - I rock!

The birthday girl deemed her new signature shot, The Laurie, "DELICIOUS!"



I am a very affectionate drunk. Surprise!



Lean back: I want to make sure to get both my chins in... and if you can see up my nose too, that'd be greeeeeat.



Needless to say, I was a hurtin' puppy yesterday morning. I woke up at 7:30 still drunk, staggered downstairs for water and ibuprofen, then went back to bed till 11:30. Big props to my husband for holding the fort/rising at 6:30 with the kids to make it all happen!

Now I'm back at work with an assload of boring work-type things to do and an irritable boss who just got back from a weeklong vacation in Florida and doesn't seem to realize that we've been in a state of emergency around these parts. Jackass. Time to buckle down and make myself useful I guess. If I must.

Have a good one!