So I have to tell you guys about something hi-freakin-larious that happened last week.
We have this crazy-annoying, borderline feral cat who belonged to Jim before we got married. Jim found him as a kitten, starving and wild, while out hiking in the woods in northern Vermont. He took pity on him and brought him home, and we've been stuck with him ever since. He brings nothing to the table; he sheds, he craps outside of the litter box for no good reason, he requires grooming due to his long mat-prone hair, he bites, and he has mutant extra claws which he uses on everything and everyone. Clearly, he was just not meant to live, but Jim intervened and now Death is just sitting back and laughing at us, perhaps pointing a bony finger in our direction from time to time, because we are too nice to get rid of this insanely annoying creature.
This cat, whom Jim named Lucky but I have since renamed Sucky, goes outside and kills mice and small critters, and that is his one saving grace. We don't like mice, after all, so who gives a fuck? Also, it keeps him busy and out of my house. So here's where the funny story comes in.
Danny likes the movie Alvin & The Chipmunks. I'm sure you clever readers have already seen where this story is going, but bear with me. The other day the kid had just watched that movie again, and he went outside and was running around doing kid-like things, and Jim was out there cleaning up the yard. Read: he has a plastic bag and a trowel and is collecting dog shit so we don't step in it. Yes, Jim gets ALL of the glamorous jobs at Casa de Bev. Anyone who thinks I am out there cleaning up humongous German Shepherd turds does not know La Bev very well.
Jim's got a pretty full bag of poo when he stumbles across a fresh chipmunk carcass. He scoops it into the bag, but Danny has already spotted it. So he comes running over, wanting to see the chipmunk. Jim's like, "Um, I don't think so..." But my kid is nothing if not determined, and he insisted.
Jim opens up the bag and Danny peers inside, sees the mangled chipmunk lying on a death bed of festering dog poop, and starts swaying from side to side and singing in a perfect chipmunk voice:
"Christmas, Christmas... time is near! Time for toys and time for cheer!"
We laughed. So. HARD!!
By the way, if you like hearing about dead chipmunks, (and really, who doesn't?) go read Courtney's blog. She's a tough chick with a gun who likes to show those vermin who's boss. Hint: it's her.
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Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Photobooth Shenanigans
AKA: The wedding reception post mortem.
Note: Blogger ate my first attempt at this post, so I'm a little peeved. I had it all done and then POOF. Gone. Son of a beeswax! So, this might be briefer than the first go-round. Sorry.
After the wedding ceremony, I mingled and chatted with Jim's parents' friends during the cocktail hour. I've met them all several times over the years, but only remember a handful of their names. I suck like that. Thankfully, they're all very kind anyway, so we drank our Pinot Grigio and ate our hors d'oeuvres and had a good ol' time. Yes, folks, I was drinking white wine, which is usually very un-Bev, but it was hot, and it tasted good. Quenching. On a side note, I could eat nothing but appetizers for the rest of my life and die happy. I just love little bite-sized food, and these were particularly good!
Ok, enough about my stomach. (blush) After the cocktail hour we moved into the tent, and the band was quite good, as was the dinner and the open bar. Yay! I'll have you know, however, that I didn't over-indulge. I got my buzz on, sure, but I didn't go nuts. Danny was there, after all, and was a dancin' fool. People were actually clearing a circle around him and clapping. He was the life of the party. Hee! I have no idea from whom he got this flair for the dramatic. Heh.
In case you're wondering where my youngest son was (Mala), he was in the bride's parents' house with a sitter. Jim and I checked on him throughout the night, but it sure was nice to have a chance to party down unfettered. Also, Danny could go in there whenever he needed a break, and he did eventually go to sleep in there around 10. YAY!
So they had this really cool idea for their guest book. They had a photobooth set up, and the guests would go in and get their picture taken, then you cut them out and paste them into the guest book and write a little note. Jim and I went and did ours first thing after happy hour, so we look pretty put-together(ish) in our first attempt. Oh, and the bow tie Jim is sporting was part of his groomsman ensemble, but combined with his glasses and his hair (which always reverts back to bowl-cut territory no matter how nicely it is cut; it is straight and thick and he refuses to use hair products!)... well, he kind of looks like Bill Nye the Science Guy a little bit. Bless his heart.
Later on, we found ourselves chatting with Jim's cousin B and his wife, J for most of the night. We go way back, and they got married just a couple of months after we did, and have a son the same age as Danny. They still like to tease me about breaking a model ship at their wedding reception. What? It was this tiny little room in a yacht club with low ceilings, and they had a great band, and we were ALL cutting a rug & knocking shit down. But yes, I was the one who actually knocked a boat off the wall and broke it. Allegedly! What can I say? If you're gonna play Stayin' Alive, expect that I will be throwing an arm out ala John Travolta and plan a-fucking-ccordingly, ok?!
Later on, B started cracking jokes about doing a "wife swap" in the photobooth and making a funny page for the guest book. We all started throwing out funny captions and cracking jokes about it... but next thing you know, I'm actually IN the photobooth with Jim's cousin. OOPS. I kind of looked at him like, "Err, what did you have in mind, exactly?" So we pretended to make out for the camera. PRETENDED. No actual groping occurred! But, the pics were kind of incriminating. Whoopsie! Then Jim took J and his other cousin, D in. In retrospect, I wish we'd brought D in too, so it would have looked less awful!
We put a couple of the pics in the guest book with the caption, "Share and share alike. Keep it in the family!" D'oh!
(shading eyes with my hand) Sorry, A&A! Feel free to rip that page out of your guest book! Please.
The worst part was that on Sunday, after I got home, I got a text from my BIL saying that all of the photobooth pics would be put up online. D'OH! Thankfully, he agreed that they wouldn't be sharing that website with anyone. Egads. Embarrassment galore.
A good time was had by all, clearly! Also, we saw B&J at the brunch the next day and we're all still speaking and even planning to visit each other this summer. So, yay!
Note: Blogger ate my first attempt at this post, so I'm a little peeved. I had it all done and then POOF. Gone. Son of a beeswax! So, this might be briefer than the first go-round. Sorry.
After the wedding ceremony, I mingled and chatted with Jim's parents' friends during the cocktail hour. I've met them all several times over the years, but only remember a handful of their names. I suck like that. Thankfully, they're all very kind anyway, so we drank our Pinot Grigio and ate our hors d'oeuvres and had a good ol' time. Yes, folks, I was drinking white wine, which is usually very un-Bev, but it was hot, and it tasted good. Quenching. On a side note, I could eat nothing but appetizers for the rest of my life and die happy. I just love little bite-sized food, and these were particularly good!
Ok, enough about my stomach. (blush) After the cocktail hour we moved into the tent, and the band was quite good, as was the dinner and the open bar. Yay! I'll have you know, however, that I didn't over-indulge. I got my buzz on, sure, but I didn't go nuts. Danny was there, after all, and was a dancin' fool. People were actually clearing a circle around him and clapping. He was the life of the party. Hee! I have no idea from whom he got this flair for the dramatic. Heh.
In case you're wondering where my youngest son was (Mala), he was in the bride's parents' house with a sitter. Jim and I checked on him throughout the night, but it sure was nice to have a chance to party down unfettered. Also, Danny could go in there whenever he needed a break, and he did eventually go to sleep in there around 10. YAY!
So they had this really cool idea for their guest book. They had a photobooth set up, and the guests would go in and get their picture taken, then you cut them out and paste them into the guest book and write a little note. Jim and I went and did ours first thing after happy hour, so we look pretty put-together(ish) in our first attempt. Oh, and the bow tie Jim is sporting was part of his groomsman ensemble, but combined with his glasses and his hair (which always reverts back to bowl-cut territory no matter how nicely it is cut; it is straight and thick and he refuses to use hair products!)... well, he kind of looks like Bill Nye the Science Guy a little bit. Bless his heart.
Later on, we found ourselves chatting with Jim's cousin B and his wife, J for most of the night. We go way back, and they got married just a couple of months after we did, and have a son the same age as Danny. They still like to tease me about breaking a model ship at their wedding reception. What? It was this tiny little room in a yacht club with low ceilings, and they had a great band, and we were ALL cutting a rug & knocking shit down. But yes, I was the one who actually knocked a boat off the wall and broke it. Allegedly! What can I say? If you're gonna play Stayin' Alive, expect that I will be throwing an arm out ala John Travolta and plan a-fucking-ccordingly, ok?!
Later on, B started cracking jokes about doing a "wife swap" in the photobooth and making a funny page for the guest book. We all started throwing out funny captions and cracking jokes about it... but next thing you know, I'm actually IN the photobooth with Jim's cousin. OOPS. I kind of looked at him like, "Err, what did you have in mind, exactly?" So we pretended to make out for the camera. PRETENDED. No actual groping occurred! But, the pics were kind of incriminating. Whoopsie! Then Jim took J and his other cousin, D in. In retrospect, I wish we'd brought D in too, so it would have looked less awful!
We put a couple of the pics in the guest book with the caption, "Share and share alike. Keep it in the family!" D'oh!
(shading eyes with my hand) Sorry, A&A! Feel free to rip that page out of your guest book! Please.
The worst part was that on Sunday, after I got home, I got a text from my BIL saying that all of the photobooth pics would be put up online. D'OH! Thankfully, he agreed that they wouldn't be sharing that website with anyone. Egads. Embarrassment galore.
A good time was had by all, clearly! Also, we saw B&J at the brunch the next day and we're all still speaking and even planning to visit each other this summer. So, yay!
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